Thoughts on Sonai Retreat

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I’ve been thinking about what to say about Sonai retreat since it ended on Sunday morning, hoping something pithy or profound would come to my mind, but instead, I’m left with impressions and realizations. I’m writing this very quickly so it won’t be as polished as I’d like, but it’s better than keeping it all inside…

Despite all the effort that went into putting together the retreat and all the fun everyone seemed to have, our group still has trouble sharing what is in our hearts. This became really obvious during Saturday evening before the last sessions. Katy was encouraging us to share one thing we enjoyed about Sonai this year and one thing we’re looking forward to for next year. Well, like I sort of expected, as soon as the topic turned personal, it was silent in the room. A few people shared, including one relatively new and normally quiet person which was really encouraging, but the air in the room was still very awkward and stiff. I don’t know the reasons – at first blush, it would seem to be because most of us are introverts. But I know that God is bigger than our personality types or our character weaknesses. Katy has been trying to get us to share more and be more “real” but it hasn’t quite taken off. What will it take to get people to share more often and more genuinely?

Our group likes to do studies and intellectual things, but we do not have a culture of being different from the world or going out to impact the world. Pastor Mike talked about believism, which is worshiping what you believe rather than God. Many Christians fall into this trap. I think I’ve been struggling with this since college. When I first became a Christian my sophomore of college, I was filled with excitement and I did many things that, looking back, many “older” Christians now lack the courage to do – share the gospel with lots of people, try to lead anyone who is willing to Christ in prayer, trying to get them to go to Pathfinder or church, dreaming up unconventional ways of reaching my parents and relatives in Taiwan, etc. But I started becoming enamored more with reading about things than doing things, and even reading books about how doing rather than being and reflecting is bad, just to make myself feel better. I now feel really convicted that my faith is meaningless without action, without deeds, like the Book of James says. This is not to say I do nothing – I volunteer and serve on occasion, and there’s the biweekly prayer meeting I started, and you might argue that the Sonai retreat might not have happened without me, but what does all that matter really? What does it matter if I’m not getting out there to interact with nonbelievers and get them to think about their lives and eternal significance and challenge them spiritually?

For a spiritual retreat, we prayed very little. I think we spent more time playing board games and lounging around than praying with each other and encouraging each other. Individuals may have had different experiences, like those who intentionally sought out meaningful conversations with others, but this is my general sense of how we spent our free time as a group. There’s nothing wrong with recreation and competition, which can actually result in bonding, and I think it did – but I think this is related to our group’s tendency not to go deep or get personal… it’s easier to concentrate on moving pieces around on a board than opening up and being vulnerable to someone who is supposed to be our sibling in Christ and feeling uncomfortable.

Truly, the Christian life is not easier, but it’s better. I hope that this retreat was not just an exercise in futility but something that has planted seeds that will bloom in the coming months. I can honestly say that, despite all my failings and ugliness and selfish thoughts, I got to know a few people better and appreciate them for who they are. You don’t choose your family, and to some degree you don’t choose your spiritual family either. Sure, you can uproot and switch churches or fellowships, but the greater lessons are learned by investing in those who are already around you and loving them the best you know how. At least, that’s how I’ve decided to proceed.

6 Comments  | Tags: attempts at profundity, church, jars of clay