Sunday, September 23, 2007
Today I was in Sunday school listening to a friend talk about how she feels down lately about her life, and I suddenly thought… I am content with my life. For the first time ever, I felt that I wouldn’t want to change a thing. Not because everything is perfect, but because I have the sense that things are as they ought to be right at this moment.
With that feeling of contentment also came peace and thanksgiving. I am so thankful for my church and everyone in it, warts and all. I’ve been a member for almost 9 years now. The length of my membership at EvFree Walnut coincides with how long I have been a Christian, because a former pastor led me to Christ within my first week of attending. Since then, our church has been through many changes in leadership and attendees, including the three years I was in law school at UC Davis when I could only go about every other month. But I never felt like I’d “left” despite the fact that I was actively serving in a church in Davis. Now the pastor from that time has also moved away, and our church is again without a pastor. I’ll never forget the lesson I learned very early on, in my first or second year as a Christian – spiritual growth is not about being at a church that is always “on,” that always has awesome preaching, teaching, retreats, activities, interesting people, etc. It is about learning to love others and put your faith into practice in a committed community. As my church is learning right now, the way God teaches us to grow is through suffering. I am confident that when we find a pastor, we will not welcome him with the attitude of “oh good, now he can fix our church,” but “come walk with us for a time.”
I am so thankful for my husband. We’ve been married for a year and a half now. It was not an easy adjustment to living with each other and all our quirks and preferences. But by now, I feel that we are good enough at communicating our issues that resolving conflict is not that stressful. Of course it isn’t fun when we disagree, but there are unspoken rules of interaction that we have evolved over the years that have not failed us yet. I feel so fortunate to have a man who understands me and yet accepts and loves me unconditionally. (If you know me and my weirdness, you know that is a big “yet.”)
I am so thankful for my job. I have never had a job where I look forward to Monday and getting to my office. Being an immigration attorney for the US government is at once challenging and meaningful. I have a Christian mentor who is a supermom and wife outside of work, and who constantly helps me with everything from how to approach a difficult legal issue or judge to allaying my anxieties about eventual pregnancy and childbirth. I couldn’t ask for a better job to suit my future plans to have a family. It has great benefits and hours that are unheard of in private practice. On a typical day, I get in at 7:30 and leave at 5:00. No weekends or overtime required. I know that makes me sound like such a bureaucrat, but it’s the only way that work will not take over my life. I tend to be all-or-nothing about things, and even with these shorter hours I obsess over the happenings at work with Dave as we fix dinner. It takes an hour of TV for me to forget about the drama and confrontations of the typical day in immigration court. But still I am glad. Whenever I get frustrated or cry about not being experienced or polished enough, Dave reminds me that God put me here for a reason and I need to be patient with myself, and trust that I will learn in time.
I thank God for bringing me this far and I am amazed to think that the best is yet to come.
| Tags: young bureaucrat, church, married life, navel gazing
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
I’ve been doing a lot of reading on the train to and from work, and this morning’s selection was How to Learn Anything Quickly. This sounds really all-encompassing, but it’s really just a learning style assessment that groups you into one of eight categories: visual-left brain, visual-right brain, auditory-left brain, auditory-right brain, tactile-left brain, tactile-right brain, kinesthetic-left brain, and kinesthetic-right brain. There are two quizzes of about 40 questions each that purport to determine whether you are visual/auditory/tactile/kinesthetic, or left/right brain.
According to the quizzes, I am a visual left-brain learner. I am a bit resistant to this classification. It makes me sound really boring, like a machine or something. But when I read the description, a lot of it sounded like me – likes to read books from front to back, likes step by step instructions, good at skimming a lot of information and fishing out what I need.
I guess since my mom and brother and many of my mom’s side of the family are artists, I was hoping I’d be grouped with the “cooler” right brainers. But that would have required me choosing responses like “when spelling or speaking, you often mix up the letters or words but it sounds right to you.” As if right-brained people are dyslexic!
Of course there are more subtleties and variations than just these 8 types. There are combinations of the traits and many people have developed different learning styles out of necessity. Like in law school, I had to get really good at listening since all my classes were straight lecture. The teachers weren’t good enough at using PowerPoint to teach effectively so it was always better to take my own notes.
I also disagree that I am a pure visual learner. The book makes pure visual learners sound like people who are most comfortable seeing information in visual forms but don’t need to write anything down. The need to take notes and do something with your hands, like hold a pen or type on a keyboard, are characteristics of a tactile learner. I guess that’s why I scored second highest on tactile (learning by sensations and emotions). The book acknowledges that there are combinations among the four senses, like visual-auditory, auditory-tactile, but it doesn’t go into every possibility.
More later when I finish the book. I’m not sure I’d recommend it at this point. Might be too general.
| Tags: navel gazing
Sunday, January 28, 2007
I went to the public library in Tustin yesterday to see their Books on CD collection. Slim pickings, compared to the tape section. I didn’t even look at those. My last Walkman is in a storage box somewhere.
After a few minutes perusing the CD’s and walking around the rest of the library looking for the Black Cauldron series by Lloyd Alexander (unsuccessful… the fiction section wasn’t very organized), I grabbed whatever books suited my fancy and got outta there. It was so weird to take books home with me without having to pay. I grew up going to public libraries, but still, it’s been a really long time.
Some of my temporary acquisitions:
- A Prairie Home Companion, 20th Anniversary Collection (CD)
- The Green Mile, by Stephen King (book)
- Moby Dick, by Herman Melville (CD)
- Uncle Tom’s Cabin, by Harriet Beecher Stowe (CD)
- The Importance of Being Earnest, by Oscar Wilde (CD)
- The Red Badge of Courage, by Stephen Crane (CD)
- 1001 Deductions & Tax Breaks 2007 (book)
- The Hobbit (graphic novel version)
I’m excited to read/listen to these, especially the Red Badge of Courage. When I first read it in 9th grade, I didn’t understand it at all. My reading and writing skills were not always what they are today. I got a “C” one quarter in 9th grade English. It wasn’t until 10th grade when I scored under 1200 on my PSAT’s that I resolved to study vocabulary and get better at writing. I began reading Smithsonian Magazine, National Geographic, Time, and Newsweek religiously, and made flashcards out of unfamiliar words. I also took Latin I, for which I had a knack, and obtained a real understanding of English grammar.
The Latin studies were supposed to prepare me for pre-med. Instead, I became a lawyer…and it’s just as useful. God really knew what he was doing.
Oh yeah, and it’s a good thing I went to the library at all. I’ve had my Orange County library card since 2003, when I drove from Walnut to Santa Ana and back for a summer internship every day and needed to have something to listen to. Apparently, one of the books/CD’s were returned late (To Kill a Mockingbird) and there was a $4.50 fine owing on my account! I wonder if it had been compounding all this time…
| Tags: navel gazing