Contentment

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Today I was in Sunday school listening to a friend talk about how she feels down lately about her life, and I suddenly thought… I am content with my life. For the first time ever, I felt that I wouldn’t want to change a thing. Not because everything is perfect, but because I have the sense that things are as they ought to be right at this moment.

With that feeling of contentment also came peace and thanksgiving. I am so thankful for my church and everyone in it, warts and all. I’ve been a member for almost 9 years now. The length of my membership at EvFree Walnut coincides with how long I have been a Christian, because a former pastor led me to Christ within my first week of attending. Since then, our church has been through many changes in leadership and attendees, including the three years I was in law school at UC Davis when I could only go about every other month. But I never felt like I’d “left” despite the fact that I was actively serving in a church in Davis. Now the pastor from that time has also moved away, and our church is again without a pastor. I’ll never forget the lesson I learned very early on, in my first or second year as a Christian – spiritual growth is not about being at a church that is always “on,” that always has awesome preaching, teaching, retreats, activities, interesting people, etc. It is about learning to love others and put your faith into practice in a committed community. As my church is learning right now, the way God teaches us to grow is through suffering. I am confident that when we find a pastor, we will not welcome him with the attitude of “oh good, now he can fix our church,” but “come walk with us for a time.”

I am so thankful for my husband. We’ve been married for a year and a half now. It was not an easy adjustment to living with each other and all our quirks and preferences. But by now, I feel that we are good enough at communicating our issues that resolving conflict is not that stressful. Of course it isn’t fun when we disagree, but there are unspoken rules of interaction that we have evolved over the years that have not failed us yet. I feel so fortunate to have a man who understands me and yet accepts and loves me unconditionally. (If you know me and my weirdness, you know that is a big “yet.”)

I am so thankful for my job. I have never had a job where I look forward to Monday and getting to my office. Being an immigration attorney for the US government is at once challenging and meaningful. I have a Christian mentor who is a supermom and wife outside of work, and who constantly helps me with everything from how to approach a difficult legal issue or judge to allaying my anxieties about eventual pregnancy and childbirth. I couldn’t ask for a better job to suit my future plans to have a family. It has great benefits and hours that are unheard of in private practice. On a typical day, I get in at 7:30 and leave at 5:00. No weekends or overtime required. I know that makes me sound like such a bureaucrat, but it’s the only way that work will not take over my life. I tend to be all-or-nothing about things, and even with these shorter hours I obsess over the happenings at work with Dave as we fix dinner. It takes an hour of TV for me to forget about the drama and confrontations of the typical day in immigration court. But still I am glad. Whenever I get frustrated or cry about not being experienced or polished enough, Dave reminds me that God put me here for a reason and I need to be patient with myself, and trust that I will learn in time.

I thank God for bringing me this far and I am amazed to think that the best is yet to come.

2 Comments  | Tags: young bureaucrat, church, married life, navel gazing